so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
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