dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
