if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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