Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
