Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
she told me i tasted like america
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
