Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
