Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
