I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
