White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
