I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
