Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
