It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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