i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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