So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
