some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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