I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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