he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
