with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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