I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
