so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
