If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
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If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
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I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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