just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
third nipple confirmed
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
