first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
