So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
