so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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