sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
