the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
