some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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