I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
