Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
