he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
