I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
