I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
