fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
