i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
