Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
