broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
