dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
