yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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