yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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