Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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