If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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