watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
