dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
