Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
