Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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