I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
My liver just had a heart attack.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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