Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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