i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
