I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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