Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
