Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize