i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
