i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
