I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
