The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
