Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
