We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
