She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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