he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
