hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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