i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
