Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
