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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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