It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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