Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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