She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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