Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
