My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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