I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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