just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
