I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
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woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
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I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
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