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I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Randomize
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