I'm so fucking centered right now
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
