It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
