do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
