I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
